Well, this is going the be probably the biggest post ever??? maybe. Well as you know it – or maybe not- I have had the shittiest 2013 of my life!. Things all started at the end of 2012…
I had a best friend; someone whom was very dear to me. (I will name her K) K and I hung out almost everyday. literally. We were best friends; and when you have best friends you tend to tell her all your darkest secrets to. WELL I DID; not dark secrets, but more of family secrets and things that happen around my life. SHE PROMISED to keep it to herself. WELLLLLL i guess not. ” side note” i go to a single sexed school (meaning all girls school; so obv theres a lot of drama) K gave me dirty looks and made everyone in the group give me dirties. I stayed in that group for almost my whole life HAHA. yeah it was so painful until my only best friend that i can trust – my mum- came in and helped. It felt really good to know that someone could help me… someone could understand me. After that it was summer holidays and I thought to myself i would start new!
2013 -hell starts-
beginning of 2013 and it was actually pretty good, but deceived me very well. I reunited with an old best friend from primary school. ( we split in year 7, I am in year 9) yes so we reunited and i couldn’t be any more happier. This was the first time I actually loved my best friend; i felt so happy. I will name this best friend J. yes so J and I were technically a cc pls. HAHAH yes. She counselled me everyday *peak of my depression* and during the time of depression i wasn’t myself tbh. They constantly told me change… change… be happy… love yourself… But i wish those people would understand that things like that are actually so hard to accomplish because of the constant pain and hatred happening around me. Not only that, but I loved a person who was a brother to me. Imma name it BB i loved him, because I do have a brother. But he doesn’t want me to be his sister. more of a disowned thing. lel. ah.. yeah and BB just raged and left because he got sick of me being depressed. But the thing is, it was all a misunderstanding; you can’t change someone. only them, themselves can change themselves. But that shit takes time. A LONG time – depending on the pain they had to intake everyday. Not everyone is strong, that’s why people fall into depression because they’re not strong as other people. Have you ever had that moment when you have to take a deep breath before speaking/typing cause you know you’re going to cry? yeah I’m have those moments all the time. #totesrelatable TBH I get depressed cause i know that I’m not what I should be. I want to be that smiling girl who could make anyone laugh, even without doing anything. yes but back onto the story. everyone hated me. Expect for my boyfriend at the time. I loved him. But he was the person who I flexed out all my depression, anger and sadness to. Which affect him aswell; and i regret everything. I lost everything, everyone I talked to hated me, because of the rumours everyone spread about me. To the point I had to move away from that school. i cried and cried all the time; because of what happened to me made me a very selfish person. Wanting everything to be mine. But i’ve changed.
But, IF those people are reading my blog today I just wanted to say…
I did nothing wrong, even though you wrap your thought around the fact that I did something wrong. You’re the one at fault. It was both a misunderstanding. You say you don’t like the way I am depressed; then think about who made me depressed and why. and maybe YOU SHOULD CHANGE THAT expect for me! don’t think you’re so perfect, everyone is different, yes that’s true but to everyone has to be treated this way. I DID NOTHING WRONG BUT BE MYSELF. IT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO GO AROUND TELLING EVERYTHING SHIT AND PUTTING SHIT ON ME, KILLING ME. YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT NO ONE DID ANYTHING WRONG, BUT THE FACT THAT YOU CONTINUE TO TALK AND THINK I DID SOMETHING WRONG IS YOUR FAULT. TO LIVE WITH SUCH HATRED INSIDE YOU? MUST SUCK. CAUSE I PRAY TO THE LORD FOR FORGIVENESS, AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THE PAIN AND HARDSHIP I WENT THROUGH. SO STOP BEING A SPOILT PERSON WITH A VERY BAD ATTITUDE. CAUSE I FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT. AND WHAT I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY.
To people who are reading this. I am sorry for letting you see my rage being let out on this blog. I want to use this blog as a diary. as my friend; thank you.