I’m not mad.

I'm not mad.

Well, last night my mum came barging in my room and declared that I needed to go see a doctor because I’m ‘crazy’

when CLEARLY. My mum is the one whos mad! to be the one who suffered depression for almost 8 years, I was the one next to you – when you let out all your depression onto me caused so much damage. And you wouldn’t give a shit, even up to now. To be the mum who is stubborn enough to say that my feelings are wrong, that I’m the devil, that you’re disappointed in me? I THINK YOU’RE THE ONE WHOS CRAZY.

My philosophy is: Life is hard, but God is good. Try not to confuse the two. – Anne F. Beiler

Time: 5:42pm Location: my studyroom

My mum came barging in again, snatching my phone off of me while i was ‘studying’ she peered into my privacy again, reading every message I said to my best friend (J), in disappointment my mother slapped my head so hard, I forgot how it felt like anymore. My mother as always continued her lecture “I NEVER TALKED TO ANYONE LIKE THIS BEFORE” “horrible daughter” “stupid girl” “a mistake.” words do hurt, but in a way she was protecting me – or maybe she is just overly worried about me. I have friends; good friends, even through your eyes mother, they seem bad – THEYRE NOT. I said sorry multiple times, many…many times
instead i was shoved into the corner of my table.
But fear not! i sung and sung “Hosanna” a christian song that I am absolutely obsessed with. 2 and a half hours later, after endless praying and singing ( i fell asleep shhh) my mother barged into the room, startling me and said “Nikita, You can have your phone and laptop back; i won’t check them anymore. Now you’re going to have to be independent. That means i do nothing around the house but feed you and you do everything i have done for you” so even up to now at 8:32pm i am still doing chores (i am shaking for some reason) but i just want to tell all those people who are feeling neglected. It’s fine, it’s your parents way of discipline, even if its shit. trust me God has a plan for you.